The boy stood like a statue wading his cold flushed feet in the water. The brisk waves washed over them and he felt the tiny pebbles rolling between his toes in chaos. Looking out past the break wall he marveled at what looked like infinity.

Gripping the cold iron arm he slowly shuffled his old bones down on the bench. When he settled he peered out with his weathered eyes and saw no one. There were no children playing and no passersby. He knew he was completely alone, and for once he took comfort in that.

Last night I dreamt I cried my eyes out. It is the only place I can do that. It is the only place I can’t control myself.

Walking back in the amber glow of twilight he breathed a heavy breath of satisfaction. His hands worn raw burned with bittersweet content. His clothes leaden with sweat and blood pulled down on his weary frame. His body ached like nothing he had ever known, but his mind was at ease with what he had done. He had not known that man could find so much pleasure through so much pain.

“Take my hand, it’s only a little farther ahead.”

She asked him, “Do you think I’m a good person?” He paused for a moment, looking into her eyes. “Goodness is being faced with temptation and overcoming it. Does that sound like you?” He knew immediately that he had struck a chord in her heart, and he meant to. He could see melancholy wash over her face as she slid down in her chair. Her eyes ran in a saccade across the table. He leaned to her level. “Hey, look, I think you’re a good person. It’s when you no longer recognize the bad things that you should start to worry.” A billow of sadness filled her mind. She knew she had begun to lose that part of herself and it scared the hell out of her.

I halfheartedly strive for a childlike innocence. I’m tired of seeing the same corruption in people’s eyes that I unwelcomely recognize in myself. I retreat within to hide my substance so that it cannot be changed by others. I fear it and all the unfamiliarity that follows. There is no contentment in it. But without change I can never become that which I strive to be. A fully changed thing capable of changing others.